undertale_aufandomcom-20200222-history
Talk:RealityCheck/@comment-31053222-20180312070606
"Well, stop and ask yourself; isn't it time for a '''RealityCheck'?"'' I think I'll give you a reality check. This is a small review, so, please take this to the mind, not the heart. By this, I mean don't take this offensively. This IS my opinion, after all. "Nathan Garrison had always been curious about the world, but he likes living his normal life. He and his adoptive brother, Draven, have been together since childhood, and aren't thinking of separating anytime soon." That's actually a very nice opening! It gives us a clear idea of who these characters are and what they desire! Congratulations! "But one day, both of their lives will change forever. Being ripped from the world he knows into the game, Undertale, he meets 6 other humans, whose mission is to stop a virus, called "the Corruption," from infecting the entire Underground and spreading into the real world." Alright, now we move the bar down a bit. How are they ripped from the world exactly? Does it just randomly happen? No, actually, it does randomly happen, everyday, I walk down the street and I just see people getting sucked of the universe by a vortex and I think 'Oh, hey, up to your shenanigans again, universe?'. I also don't really understand why people think the whole "Virus + Undertale = good AU" thing works, because it doesn't. It gets repetitve, bland and boring. I admit, I can see this AU working with this idea, but that doesn't make the idea amazing and certainly not cliche anymore. One big question after I read this little paragraph was... where did 'The Corruption' come from, exactly? There has to be some sort of explanation or reason, it doesn't just randomly appear. Is The Corruption a noun or a metaphor? If he's a noun, why did he go specifically for the underground? Why didn't any of the monsters try and do something about it? There are so many questions in my head, all unanswered! "But nothing is as it seems. Each of the humans have been turned into monsters, a shady professor from a place void of color is helping them too. And there are a certain skeletons who are happy to provide a skeleTON of puns to help them on their adventure!" Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, this is when I thought it was a little bit like an advertisement. Rather cheesy, rather informal, et cetera. It's quite nice to speak to your audience like this, it's nice to speak to your audience like they're living people instead of in a conference meeting. It's actually rather refreshing! But, it is against protocol. 'Each of the humans have been turned into monsters'... well, why did you list them as humans in the casting section? Can't there be a seperate thing for hybrids, possibly? And also... 'A shady professor from a place void of color is helping them too. And there are certain skeletons who are happy to provide a skeleTON of puns to help them on their adventure!' Oh boy... look at that... another skeleton centered AU, eh? I don't understand, I really don't! What is it about these characters that everybody loves!? They're not even that necessary to the story, they were literally made to wink at the camera, make funny gags/jokes and have some lore which, when it boils down to it, could just be removed and nothing would change. Gaster's there because Toby wanted to add some random lore, secrets and wanted an explanation for the core. The removal of the skelebros would probably just make the game shorter, and I guess the removal of Gaster would spawn of a gaping big plot hole. I understand that they're mysterious and funny, but they just like to wink to the camera and argue with eachother (Talking about Sans and Papyrus). I'm alright with somebody having Sans, Papyrus and Gaster in their AU, I'm alright with them making them the main! As long as all the other monsters are their, I'm fine! But it doesn't seem like that. And if they are there, why haven't you mentioned them yet? I-I don't know, but we'll just move on... "Going by "Seth," he and Draven have to somehow get back home. Will they be able to stop the virus without getting corrupt themselves, or is there a bigger, more imminent threat than just the virus?" ...What? What does any of this mean? Who's Seth? What's the bigger imminent threat? What is going on!? I understand leaving the reader questioned is a good tac-tic in writing, but when you leave them with too many questions, it seems like you're throwing stuff in and the reader's not supposed to think of it as new! This should leave me interested in what'll happen next, but it just leaves me confused! I really don't understand any of it except the first sentence, and even that is a little difficult to understand for me! Call me an idiot, but it's true! Then we've got the cast. I'm not putting it in quotes because that'll make the quote rather long. It all seems fine and dandy but... where do these little buddies come in? Are you trying to go for a Pokemon astetic? Why are the monsters just listed as (FUTURE DATE)? Again, not entirely sure what this means. I'm not saying everybody's perfect and they must live up to a standard, hell, I've even left some plot-holes in my AUs! But how did you read over this AU and thought it wasn't confusing in the slightest? Maybe it's because you're the creator and you have it all planned out, but we certainly don't know what's gonna happen! Right, this is getting long so have fun with the conclusion. ---- I like this AU, I really do! It's fascinating and rather weird, and I freaking love weird! But this AU fills my mind with too many questions which should really be answered on the page. Like I said, I don't want you to take this review offensively, I just want you to consider it. If you do have anything to say, try and not call me a "F*kin bich u shuld kys", please. If anybody reading this likes this AU, great! I'm happy that you can see this AU in a lighter tone than me. Mellow travels, and good luck with the creation of this. I look forward to seeing more in the future.